Vertigo 

I can barely open my eyes

And the rectangular lamps that hang above me, promptly providing light are only making it worse

The loud bantering of people nearby are like a series of thunder in a sudden downpour

I want to just crawl, hide, cowl in the darkness

Take a deep sought-after breath, close my heavy eyes, lay in the peace that my pillows bring

Embrace the calm, everything is now quiet in its tranquil place. 

Ache

Can’t keep my eyes open

Trying to avoid the light
I’d rather stay in the dark
Away from the chaos and noise
Free of any spark.

Just let me be when I feel like this
It won’t take long
I hope to feel at ease
Tomorrow when I wake up
And a brand new day unfolds
Things will be better
I assure you, we’ll have a ball.

Struggles

I’ve spent the last three weeks tolerating an unusually intolerable migraine and abnormally painful abdominal cramps.

For my migraine, I have four culprits: 1) I’ve been bitching about politics way too much — so, stress; 2) the extreme heat and lack of  proper ventilation at our office; 3) my eyes, considering it’s been a while since I’ve had them checked; and 4) my lovelife.

Okay, maybe just two culprits.

So yesterday, after weeks of pushing from my mom, I finally gave in and took a day off to visit first, our opthalmologist.

To make a long story short, I need new glasses, and I need to ‘clean’ my eyes with drops twice a day (and as needed) because my eyes, according to my doc, are too vein-y and get strained easily. I was told to read a little less, or at least, have breaks (A LOT) when reading. (Sidenote: I read and write for a living, so you can just imagine how ugly this would turn out.) Also, I have to observe my condition because if it doesn’t get better, then I would have to see a neurologist. ‘Need’ — that’s a lot of needs.

I’m kind of bummed about this since we’re already coping with something else — my parents’ conditions (heart/eye ailments and cancer), so I have to psyche myself and bravely declare, “I can’t be bothered of my own condition now.” 

To help cope with my (yet again) migraine, this afternoon I had my new glasses measured and made, bought the drops I need to clean my eyes, and got myself a mini-electric fan. I would like to believe that my recurring migraine is just caused by poor eyesight, the unbearable heat, and the lack of proper ventilation at our office. So far, so good — I have migraine, but at least, unlike in the previous weeks, I’m a bit more comfortable.

And that’s how we are, right? We cope; We fight — no matter the circumstance, we keep at it — and we keep smiling. We cope, fight, and smile until it hurts, and we fall.

Then we keep at it again.