New beginnings have started to scare her
But she does not scour or hide out of fear
Instead, she plays along, enjoys the moment.
Then when everything’s wonderful
And all its promises start to unfold
She starts pushing
Away —
— Everyone
— Him
Hard.
Until all hope merely becomes nothing
But a memory
A pinch, piercing through her heart;
A lesson that teaches everyone, anyone
Who even dared come close.
She wants to break free
If only someone can break
This unfortunate state she is in.
Long unending letters of love
Songs, though often out of tune
Hummed just for me and you
A future that’s true
And tomorrows that are real
These are the things I pray we’ll one day feel.
Wake up to brighter mornings
Filled with joy and wonderful day-endings
In the night, the stars brightly shine to provide us light
Paving the path for you and I to reunite
Only when we both find our ways
And not one of us will fall astray.
Hold on tightly
To the hope of tomorrow
Keep a promise in our hearts
And be wary of love’s sorrows
Walk in the sun, bask in the rain
These things we will together feel one day
I pray.
She keeps a strong and brave front
Every day, a ready smile on her face
And easily fools everyone
Deep inside what people choose not to see
Her heart bleeds and cries invisible tears
With the pain she tries to hide
Constantly comes at night as she sleeps.
Then he comes with a promise
And casts his spell on her
In the hopes of pulling her out of this chaos of a mess
Giving her a reality
Far sweeter than what she had before.
The magic he brings completely envelopes her
And keeps her in a tight embrace
Safe and secure with a hope that endures
Until she no longer sees the need
To pretend or try hard
To exist in this lonely place of lure.
She’ll admit it
She holds so much anger
So much hurt and pain
So much regret and disappointment
All at herself
All because of him and what he did
He has broken her
Into small shattered pieces
Now she is lost
Clueless on what to do
Where and how to start
How does she put herself back
To how she was
He did this to her, and now
She’s left with a task
To live again
Trust, believe again
And eventually forget
Only then will she ever love again.
Listen to birds chirping in the morning
Smell the faint scent of rain in the air
Stretch and take in all the beauty
Welcome all of the day’s blessings in.
Sometimes you worry that life is too hard
And that tomorrow will only be filled with
Obstacles to overcome that leave you with scars
Keep in mind that the sun will rise every day
Birds will chirp always, the rain will fall any day
There’s always something out there
To look forward to
Just open your eyes
And you won’t feel blue.
I caught up with a good friend recently, and we got to talk about the goings-on in each other’s lives, more of our future plans, life, love, and how we both weirdly dreamt we were in relationships with two celebrities — she, with Piolo Pascual; and I, with Matteo Guidicelli, who transformed later in my dream into one of my ex-boyfriends.
My friend and I have a lot of things in common, especially at this point in our lives. We’re both nearing our 40’s; we’re both unattached, and at our age, we’re still both figuring out what else life has in store for us. We’re perpetually at a stage of exploration and discovery.
Some may raise their brows on that. Others find it weird and off how two girls, er women, who both have considerably good heads on their shoulders, are still unattached despite their age and stature. “Something must be wrong,” we often hear them say. Actually, at some point, we were kind of swayed into believing something was indeed wrong with us because of how others perceived our choices and how our lives are unfolding. “Time is ticking,” “Bakit wala ka pang boyfriend,” “But it’s sad to be alone.” Trust me, we’ve probably heard all kinds of versions of it. To some extent, it could get to you. Is it really sad to be alone? If we have significant others, will we feel complete? Are we not complete now, or can’t we be complete on our own?
It’s not like we don’t have suitors (we do), or we’ve never been in relationships (we have). And it’s not like our standards are too high either. Once, I listened to a wise woman say, “Girls come up with this list of qualities they want in their prince charming. As they get older, the list gets shorter until the only necessary and of value qualities are left, and they eventually end up either with ‘the one’ or alone.”
Our lists have indeed gone shorter, but we wouldn’t go as far as saying our standards have gone lower, too. It’s just that now, we know what’s of value or not, what’s worth keeping, what’s worth pursuing. Or at least, we hope we know.
We have realized, too, that we just have not met ‘the one’ yet, and that one day soon, someone will come and join in on this amazing journey with us, help fulfill all our dreams and plans with us. After all, it’s an amazing feeling to fall in love and be loved in return. Sure. Now, if that isn’t the path we’re destined to take, if it’s a path meant for just one — for ourselves, alone — we are learning to come to terms with that, too.
Trust. We are learning to put all our trust in what has been destined for us. We have dreams and plans, a lot of it, and most have already come true, with still more than a handful waiting to be achieved. If there will be dreams and plans that will not happen for whatever reason, it’s fine. Maybe something better awaits to be discovered. Or maybe, there’s none. What matters right now for us is we enjoy the ride. We stay present, open and use all senses — experience.
Love will be experienced everywhere anyway, received from everyone — family and friends. To most, the love of family and friends is nothing but mere consolation. To us though, it’s one of our dreams fulfilled — a reward, so to speak. In whatever status my friend and I separately end up in, we come out well — content — because we were never really alone in the first place.
*For Cecily.
Aim that arrow at me now
Hit me right on target
And make me bow
Cast your love spell
Break this shell
Make me fall in love
And help me get out of this dark miserable well.
Then aim that arrow at him now
Hit him right on target
And make him bow
Pave the way for us to see
That we were meant to be together
— him and me.
I just read up on news about other people’s dogs passing on amidst all the chaos, that is, Philippine politics. It got me reflecting on a few things, so here’s my #throwback for this week.
A few years ago, I got into an unfortunate rift with a co-teacher. It started with the death of her dog, and she had to take what started as a day off from work to three days. I called her attention about her absences and basically demanded that she reported back to work, since my main concern then were the substitutions other teachers had to do for her. This obviously did not turn out well, hence, the rift.
I used to not understand the value of having a pet, and how each one is treated as part of the family. I ignored what my co-teacher was going through because I chose to only see what I believed was important – – – at that time, my duties. I still regret that day, and I am truly sorry for it.
The Lord has a way of teaching us lessons though; Of making us see where we could have done or been better.
As if to teach me a lesson and help me understand, I have my own pet now – – – a rescued AsPin, Marshie. Just like how I am with my loved ones, I go through the same struggles every time Marshie feels or seems different, the fun when she does something silly, and the joy of just having her around. I feel the fear of knowing that she will not be with me forever, and that one day soon, we would have to part ways and say good bye. The same kind of fear you feel for a loved one.
I have definitely been ‘schooled’. Now, I go through each day encountering different people, keeping in mind that I know nothing of their struggles, hence, I should be much kinder and more understanding. I go through each day just enjoying every moment with the people I hold close to my heart, and not waste it on hate and senseless bickering. And as much as I can, I stay away from negativity, for life is just too short to dwell on anything that sucks the life out of you.
Life, indeed, has a way of teaching you lessons, and love has a way of softening your heart.
You bring with you a promise
Of better days ahead
A life free from hurt, and no sign of a broken heart.
Gone are my days of sorrow and sadness,
Of countless nights crying myself to sleep.
I want to believe in you and everything
Take your hand and join you on this journey.
But how – – – how do you teach a lonely heart,
To stop from being alone – – –
And this time, choose to be a part of a whole?
doreenmariaclara 