Dull

I’ve kept myself in the darkness of my room again
I’m back in that old familiar chaotic sadness that is my mind
No plans, no expectations, no one, nothing
Alone in my nothing-ness
Thinking blank thoughts
No images, no color, no lines
Just the four cornered walls of my loneliness
Enveloping myself in the company of nothing.

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Whut? Huh?

Someone I know got visibly annoyed when after she had shown me her pictures in the society page of a Sunday newspaper, I reacted less enthusiastic or impressed as she had expected.
This confuses me a bit. Isn’t “Wow! Cool.” coupled with a sincere smile a socially acceptable response? I was not being sarcastic, nor did I come off as such, but my reaction annoyed her anyway.
Had it been a work published or the paper featuring her for something remarkable she did, then I might have reacted differently, or maybe even envious. But we’re talking about her pictures at a party she attended. I understand it’s something to be excited about, and I would have felt just as excited if I saw my picture in a newspaper or magazine, too. But expect people, even those you are not close to, to react in a particular manner and feel disappointed or annoyed when they don’t, is a bit off, don’t you think?

Ate

March 02

For the past few days, my Ate neighbor has been playing Yeng Constantino’s “Chinito”, day in and day out, on full blast, for everyone’s entertainment. The same darn song greets me as I wake in the morning, welcomes me home in the late afternoon, and on a couple of nights, lullabies me to sleep. While I am not a very big fan of Ate neighbor’s loud music playing, it weirdly does not annoy me, and in fact, to some extent, I’ve grown to be amused by it.

Ate neighbor’s probably in love. The thought of someone who’s in love is enough to leave a fleeting smile on your face, too. Ate neighbor’s state of possibly being in love is quite contagious, and this is coming from someone who just recently declared she does not believe in ‪#‎forever‬.

Funny how someone you haven’t met personally can have such an effect on you.

Then, there’s Other Ate.

Other Ate does not return my “good mornings”, nor does she smile back when I give my sweetest one. She has this pasted expression on her face that tells you something bad probably happened to her during her commute to work— eyebrows perched as one, wrinkled top of the nose, no eye contact, body language that shrieks, “Don’t talk to me!”, and an air of negativity around her. The ‘angry emoji’ sadly reminds me of her. Whatever Other Ate’s going through, it’s clearly reflected on her face and in her actions, hence, she drives people away.

I can relate to both Ate neighbor and Other Ate.

Like my Ate neighbor, I know how it is to be in love. I have told friends, again and again, how much I believe that falling in love is one of the best feelings in the world despite not believing in #forever. More than the feeling of being in love, though, I think what’s even more beautiful is how you infect other people with your positivity. It shows in what you say, what you do, what kind of decisions you make, what songs you listen to, basically, how you approach life and its obstacles — and it’s contagious.

But I also used to be like Other Ate — negative, bad vibes abound. And like other Ate, all the negativity was never really caused by any huge problem or issue. Okay, failed relationships could have caused it, but more than that I think, is just me dwelling on the negative more than all the positive things happening in my life. I can’t find the answers why I chose to do that, but I did realize I didn’t have to, so I stopped and turned things around.

It is oftentimes difficult to psych yourself into focusing all your energy on good things especially when things aren’t always as rosy. What helps me cope though is to accept that things won’t always go my way, and that it’s fine even if they don’t. I continue to learn to pick myself up when I fall. I have begun to laugh off and learn from my mistakes. I surround myself with people who are supportive and understanding, and in turn, I try my best to understand and be compassionate of people who might be going through something I know nothing of.

And sometimes, all it takes is to encounter that one person, a stranger or not, who will turn your perspective around for you; that one person, who may be unmindfully and unintentionally, infects you with her/his own happiness…just like how Ate neighbor has infected me with hers.

We all have a bit of Ate neighbor and Other Ate in us. Most often though and unfortunately, we touch base with the latter more than the former. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but just don’t stay there too long. Keep choosing the positive; keep looking at the brighter side of things; And without you even realizing it, you’ve already bid the Other Ate in you good bye, and you’re already an Ate neighbor to someone who badly needs her.

Join me in my LSS, will you? 🙂
https://youtu.be/sIU9q490BNQ

Edsa

February 25

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I was eight years old when the actual ‘bloodless revolution’ happened; too young to fully-understand what it was all about. But my family, particularly my grandfather and my parents, made sure my brothers and I knew and understood everything as we grew older.

My dad worked for Senator Ninoy Aquino, Jr., while two of my uncles were student activists during the time of Martial Law. To say that my family lived in fear at that time is an understatement.

My war veteran grandfather had every souvenir picture and signed book of Sen. Aquino, an illustration depicting activism made by my uncle, destroyed and burned because anyone_ANYONE who expressed any dissatisfaction of the Marcos dictatorship was ‘taken’ even from the supposed comfort of home, never to return again. Family activist friends had to resort to years of ‘fleeing‘, ‘hiding‘, all because they openly fought to have freedom back.

Back then, no one can express his support to anyone who was against the Marcoses; no one can listen, read, watch anything that wasn’t about the Marcoses; the military can just ‘pick up’ anyone it felt was a threat to the Marcoses. Fear — that was what’s most evident.

Then came 1986.

It was a time when Filipinos finally had the courage to save themselves. A time no Filipino should forget. Never forget the oppression. Never forget the fight.

I believe in gratefulness. I believe in giving back. And even when it is not being sought, I believe in forgiveness. But there are particular times, those that one should learn from, when one should not forget — Martial Rule and Edsa Revolt — very much included.

I was taught (and I will forever hold onto this) that if I so enjoy exercising this amount of freedom, it is but right to educate myself as to how countless men and women fought and gave up their lives for this moment; it is but right to make an educated stand as to what kind of government I wish for my country if only to make Edsa Revolution matter. ‪

 

#‎NeverAgain‬ ‪#‎NeverForget‬ ‪#‎Edsa30‬