Move Forward

She was well on her way to being comfortable with being alone; Enjoying everything that came her way, learning to accept life in solitude, or at least ‘just’ in the company of family and friends and finding contentment in that.

Then he came along, and swept her off her weak feet. She lost all focus. She got off track, and now well, she is left to pick herself up again and continue moving.
She never really understood how a ‘whirlwind (love, adventure) anything’ worked until recently, when she got caught in one. It was a most exhilarating ride; everything’s wonderful and dandy; she was in an unending best of moods; seeing the good in everyone and every situation is done with so much ease. She just felt so optimistic and positive, and nothing can stop her.

But just as she has accepted everything, just as she has accepted all of him, just as she thought she was ready to take on that journey again, a truth — his — pulls her down back on the ground. It hits her like a strong wound-inducing knife on the chest, slowly piercing with unbearable pain as it goes deeper where her heart is, and leaves her broken into very tiny pieces that she cannot even fathom how to begin healing again.

Not too long ago he told her, “My intentions for you are noble.” So noble that he cannot even explain what had happened? “I am so thankful I had found you.” So thankful that out of the blue, he just decided to drop and let her go? 
It’s painful. It sucks. Like big time. Despite that though what choice does she have, but to move on. 

Move on. Such an easy imperative command to utter, yet so difficult to do, much less even start on. How does one move on? 

She begins by un-believing it is only her fault. It takes two to tango, remember? He was selfish. He was insincere and had taken advantage of her. Damn him. But she was selfish, too. She had seen the signs early on, and yet did nothing but allow everything to unfold. She wanted this so bad, so she let it happen. She let herself believe and live in a dream, and forget reality. So who’s to be blamed? No one.

Learn to forgive. Falling for and loving someone are nothing to be ashamed of. She tripped, lost her balance, and fell — hard, now she needs to dust the dirt off and walk again. She once said, ” Love will be experienced everywhere anyway, received from everyone — family and friends.” She holds onto that because it’s her truth. 
Have faith. Pray. More. Much harder. Not her usual prayer and ask for the heavens to send her a significant other, but rather for strength, contentment, more love to give.

 It all sounds so easy, but so difficult to do. She has to remember that everything — simple or complex — it all begins with that first step. Take that first step to heal. She needs to. She knows she needs to. She chooses to be happy, so she begins by smiling again.

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Author: doreenmariaclara

I 'write' in the shower, like any normal person.

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